Sunday, December 28, 2008

Time to meet "Lucy"

Here is our new puppy Lucy. She is a 15 week old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I have been wanting a new puppy for a while and was a little shy with what happened with Muttley. (See previous post back in June.) I am hoping that William and Lucy grow up to be best friends. So far he isn't too sure about Lucy. He laughs when she licks him but is afraid when she goes up to him. I think in they will get used to each other soon. So far, Lucy is a very good puppy. She is such a cuddler. She likes to be on our laps instead of playing. In fact, she is on my lap as I type this post! So far, I am thinking she is a good fit. I have had puppies a couple times before and had given them back to the breeder withing a day or too, but I think that was because it was when I had Dusty and she didn't get along with other dogs at all. Last night Lucy did very well in her kennel and only cried a little bit. With a little soothing from me, she went to sleep. She only woke us up once to go out to go potty, and she did what she needed to do. Here are a few pictures. After over a year of being dogless, we have a dog again!! YEA!!

Christmas 2008

We had a wonderful Christmas again this year. I was a little nervous about being sad on Christmas because of our loss, but it was a very nice day. My little William loved the toy he got from Santa - a toy kitchen. He started to really understand "opening" presents this year. He of course got very spoiled from Mom and Dad, Grandmas and Grandpas, and Aunts and Uncles. This child may be the most loved child in the world (even though some of you may beg to differ!) ;-) Here are some pictures...

"Oh Boy!! Look at what Santa left me!!"

"Is this all for me?"

"Can I cook you some breakfast?"

"Whoa, you mean there are presents in here too?"

"I'm such a big boy on this trike with my helmet."
"I love my Aquadoodle from Grandma and Grandpa."

"This Star Wars tent is sooo much fun!"

"I love to spend time with my Great-Grandpa!"
"Especially when he lets me play with his remote contral skunk!"

"Grandma and Grandpa help me open presents too!"

"I love the trike Uncle John got me. Even the day after Christmas!"

Thursday, December 18, 2008

To my unborn child

I never held you in my arms.
You didn't have a name.
I didn't get to know you,
And I loved you just the same.

I never knew your laughter,
I never heard you cry
And yet, we shared my body;
together, You and I

And in those brief, but precious days,
My little girl or boy;
You brought me so much happiness,
My cheeks felt tears of joy.

For I knew that His wisdom,
Our father up above,
Saw fit to bless our family with you;
His beautiful gift of love.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Feeling down today

I thought I had been doing better about things, but today I am just feeling down. I feel like crying, and I am just so tired of crying. I realize it has only been 10 days since I found out I miscarried and only a week since my D&C, but I guess I thought I'd be handling things better than I am. I have used all my sick days for the school year between missing days for the D&C, dr's appointments, and my 3 days off when I had strep throat. I really would like to take a mental day tomorrow, but it will cost me $250! We can't afford that. It is hard to teach when I am so sad. Some of my students asked what was wrong, and I told them I just wasn't feeling well. I don't want to be sad anymore.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

It is done.

Finally, I can move on and get this terrible time behind me. Here is the full story. We got to the hospital at 7:30am. They signed me in and took me up to a room to get me ready for the surgery and everything. While I was waiting a nice lady came in and asked me if I wanted a back massage to help relax me! Um --- OK!! It was a very nice massage and she even gave one to my Mom who was waiting with me. Benjamin didn't want one. I needed that relaxing massage because the nurses were having trouble getting in my IV and ended up poking me 3 times to get it in! Ouch! It wasn't too much longer and they wheeled me down (after giving me some pepcid and some anti-nausea stuff). Ben and Mom came with me as they wheeled me to the surgery room. There were 3 of us kinda waiting, so we ended up waiting about 30 minutes there. At 9:30 they were ready to go, I gave kisses goodbye, and was moved to the actual surgical room. I moved over to the bed and don't remember a thing. I woke up in the recovery room and was feeling just out of it. Not too bad, not much pain, just cold, but that has happened with every surgery I have ever had. I wasn't vomiting at all and just had some mild nausea, but they gave me some zofran and I felt better. After about 1/2 hour or so, I went back to the area where I had be waiting earlier. Ben and Mom were waiting for me, and Ben had flowers in hand. What a hubby! And purple to boot! We got up to the room; it was nice as it had a view - it had started snowing by then. Very pretty. I was pretty groggy and it took a good hour or so before I started to feel like myself a little. Finally, I started feeling better, got up, went to the bathroom, and then got dressed. By then, I was ready to go home. It was nice having the hospital so close to home. My other surgeries were an hour ride away. I've been taking it easy, feeling pretty good, and still not in much pain. I am still kinda sleepy, but am feeling better than I thought I would. It is done. I can more on, but I am really sad. This is now the end. I am no longer pregnant. It sucks!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Surgery tomorrow

I found out today that my D&C will be tomorrow instead of Friday. I think I am kinda glad to just get it done, but now I have to take 2 more days off of work. I have missed so much work that I am going to be out of days! That means I have had 12 days off since September! I hope I will be nice and healthy the rest of the year and won't have to miss anymore! I spent the afternoon at the hospital getting all the pre-admitting stuff done. I'm glad Benjamin came with me. We checked-in, got some lab work done, talked to the nurse who gave me all the instructions, met with an anesthesiologist, and then went over to my OB's office. She talked to me about the procedure, all the things that could happen (oh, that makes me feel good!) and had me sign a consent form. My surgery is going to be about 9:30 am and I have to be there 2 hours early. I can't eat after midnight and no drinking water after 3am. I am so nervous! I guess everyone who is going to have surgery gets nervous. I will be glad to get it all over with tomorrow! The OB said she would give me a whole 2 weeks off work if I wanted it. If I had the days I'd take it, but oh well. That would just give me lots of time to think of things and get even sadder. At least I can get back to normal life soon!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Sad, sad news

We have had a really tough day today. Today I found out that I have had a miscarriage. We knew things were not looking good (see previous post), so I went back today for another ultrasound, when the Dr showed us the screen, I knew at that moment it was over. Nothing had changed. The baby hadn't grown at all and this time there wasn't even a flicker. No heartbeat at all. It was soooo hard to look at that poor little baby knowing that he/she would not be born. It tore me up inside. The Dr said we could have a natural miscarriage or have a surgical procedure called a D&C. I decided to do the D&C. A lot of women who miscarry naturally have complications and end up needing a D&C anyway. Also, this way I don't have to wait and wait and not know when it is going to happen, and not have to worry about it happening during school. I'm just so heart broken right now. I think one of the hardest things is having to "un"tell everyone about being pregnant. I know miscarriages happen, but there is something surreal about it happening to me. I thought having to go through infertility was bad enough, but now to add this to the list is just almost too much for me to take right now. There has been one thing that has really helped me this evening ~ my little boy. When Benjamin and I came home from the dr, I was very upset and crying. William was home with my Mom, and when we walked in he knew something was wrong. He came up to me and gave me a hug, and I can't tell you how much better that made me feel. I know I have the best little boy in the world and thank the Lord above for sending him to me. I just wish I could have given him a brother or a sister. Will we try to have another baby? Maybe. But, I don't know if I will be able to go through this again.